What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
10.06.2025 02:14
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I never cut or harmed myself..
And i lived it daily.
When she asked me how she looked .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Im still living with it.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
What is a fun psychological trick to try on someone?
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She loved him until the end.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
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I was very sick at this time too.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
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I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why did i forgive my father ?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
What is the best technique for inserting a tampon into one’s anus?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
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I don,t even have a pension.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
I could never make a relationship work though!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Do married men like sucking dick?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
Why is Jack Smith arguing that presidents should not have full immunities as Trump is requesting?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
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My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
What did i know ?
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Who then, do I blame.?
It was going to be , some day.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
This is soul school!.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
Ive learnt so much.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
They are buried together, in the same grave..
But, we were locked up after school.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
My family never makes their pension either.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
He knew the spot.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was scared of men, in general
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
We were not on the streets..
I have no regrets .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
She found it foreign!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
She wouldn,t have been !
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I will be 64.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Would this be the day?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
This is how, and why children get BPD.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
But ive been too sick for many years..
So, i spoilt her more .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She married twice! .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
As i do to all so called friends.?
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I write beautiful poetry .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
So whats the point in blame.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My life is so biszare .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I said to her
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He resisted the act ,that day.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I think the readers, may guess!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I was seconnd youngest,
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Especially a lifetime of it.
One cannot live in the past .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Comes on , in middle age.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
I waited trembling.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
All the time i was locked up.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But it wasn’t much.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
She was in good health!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
(And it was in our own minds.)
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
I couldn’t, believe it.
I was 9 years of age.
Put me off passion for life!!
Was to survive, this bastard.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We all went to grammer schools
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.